I wonder

why it is that as soon as I get the MilkMonster* down for his nap, and have settled myself comfortably on the couch, and have just started the DVRed episode of Project Runway, and just filled myself a cold glass of water and gulped down about half of it that I all of a sudden without warning and without fail have to pee so excruciatingly bad.

I mean like I-better-not-turn-my-head-too-fast-or-I-might-leak-or-explode-bad.

Come to think of it, it could have something to do with the huge cup of coffee I just consumed and the half glass of water that I couldn't gulp down fast enough.

Lucky for me, the bathroom is of course conveniently located down the creaky hallway, past MM's bedroom, with the door closed and the air isn't on to drown out my cautious and soft footfalls. And, I just know that MM is subconsciously waiting for any distraction to wake him up from his deep slumber. Because, let me tell you one thing, that kid does not like to sleep. And then, once I have trekked the creaky hallway and made it safely to the bathroom's threshold and silently opened the door and closed it behind me with no sound of stirrings or shrieks of

"I'M AWAKE AUNT BEEZEY!! SLEEP IS NO MATCH FOR ME!"

coming from MM's room, I finally make it to the wonderful, beautiful, oh how I love thee, toilet!

Unfortunately that full-of-relief, you are my savior toilet now possesses a baby-proofed contraption, or as I affectionately call it, the babysitter booby trap. This thing takes 3 hands to successfully open without the faintest clicks and ticks, and unfortunately I only have 2.

But, after I do get it open, all the while holding my breath and praying that the air would turn on and muffle my toilet attempts, I am able to sit down and RELIEF. Nothing really matters much at that point.

And, afterwards, 20 pounds lighter and loads happier, I wash my hands under a trickle of water that takes 10 times as long to get the soap off, but MM is way too close for a full blast hand-washing.

And, I don't flush. No sirree. After all of those precautions, you better believe that lid stays up and that toilet unflushed until MM wakes up.

I wonder how I can train my bladder to contain the gallons of liquid within until a more suitable time to dispose of it. Sometimes, being a woman is so inconvenient. Hubs can go all day without visiting the loo, but me. I don't think so one bit at all, no way. Don't they medicate for that sort of thing?



*Milk Monster is my nephew Griffin. This kid can guzzle some milk. 6 bottles a day and he will be 1 in 2 weeks. Just this morning, upon the final suck of his 6 oz bottle and my immediate removal of the nipple from his starving lips, he grunted, sat straight up and demanded in all his baby glory that he would have some more. Pronto. Thus the new name from here on out.