Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Mean as Crap

It is no secret that I have a tongue capable of some lashing and a wit that's snarky to boot.

Combine these two and you get trouble. Or, you get me in trouble with Hubs for unleashing my biting sarcasm and unshakably truthful analysis of everything he or anyone else (for that matter) does.

Recently, Hubs has started this very endearing pantomime in those times of fire breathing. He flutters his fingers in the air around my head as if implying there is an imaginary banner plane flying circuits around my big head trailing this statement,

Mean as Crap:
For No Reason!!!!!
Very cute, Hubs.

To this I usually respond with my own version of an imaginary banner plane circling somewhere around Hubs that says,

Really Unnecessarily Annoying!!!

Touche, dear.


Sometimes Hubs is not the most attentive driver. He is a severe creature of habit. This trait sometimes oddly enough translates into driving. Like, we are driving down a road that if you were to take a right at the next light would take you to his mother's house. So, as we are driving down this road, heading for home, Hubs automatically gets in the right lane to take a right, when we should be in the left lane preparing to make a left.
See, habit. 

So, I say with a bit of sarcasm,
"Where ya going there, slick?" 
Hubs' response: Wiggling his fingers somewhere near my left ear, he says,
"Mean as crap: For no reason."
I attempt to bite my tongue and the laughter creeping up the back of my throat and say,
"Just making sure you didn't drive us to China and back."
He says,
"I'm going to go and cry in a corner now."
I say,
"Well, make it fast, I've got a lot to do in the next hour."

Its 10:30pm and we are laying in bed.
Hubs is setting his alarms.
I roll over to him and say,
"I disagree with your 4:30am alarm clock."
He rolls his eyes at me.
"I don't approve of it."
He turns on his 4:30am alarm clock.
"I don't think its fair that I have to be subjected to your 4:30am alarm clock. Its against my constitutional rights."
He calls me mean.

I know that you are all thinking I am the worst wife ever, but I love Hubs with my whole heart and soul and would never do or say anything to hurt his feelings.
But, I do love to tease him until he is forced to invent such fantastical things as the banner plane.
Which is frankly just classic and made me just want to pick on him even more or throw him down and submit him..
Oh, yeah. We think it probably looks something like this:


  1. Dave *my husband* says that I "mean mug" him when I am mad...I don't know what that means...but it scares the crap out of him! LOL

  2. Pretty much whenever we get into a car together, we get into some silly argument! I hate the way my husband follows too closely... He hates how unaggressive I am. I usually end up yelling at him that if he hates the way I drive so much then HE CAN DRIVE!

    Very fun. :-)