Cutting the Fat

No more whining!
No more tirades!
No more rants!

Because this blog does nothing but bring out my snarky, pessimistic and criminally cynical thoughts, comments and unending blubbering, I have decided that my next 5 posts will have nothing but happy thoughts.

If you can't say anything nice, you should shut the ef up. (On a sidenote: I don't use the "f" word. Never have, never will. Its dirtay.)

So, here's me shutting the ef up.

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And because I have done nothing but watch trash tv for the past couple of days, allowing me to catch up on some old favorites and get into some new favorites, I am having a (positive) dish on reality tv.

-Real Housewives of NYC:
Oh. MY. God. This past episode has me bawling into my bowl of rice (I was having some tummy issues that reduced me to the BRATT diet). I just want to call up Bethenny and give her the biggest hug ever. How awful are things for her right now in what should be the best time of her life???

And Alex, thank you for having the balls to put Jill in her place. Jill used to be my favorite housewife, but lately she has been frustrating the heck out of me. She really is a mean girl, who must be the center of attention.

"Jill? Bri calling. Can we have the old Jill back now? This one is sassy and funny at times, but is obviously attempting to overcompensate for the misery that her life has become since she cutout Bethenny."

And I actually have something nice to say about Ramona for once. These past two episodes have really changed my thoughts on Crazy Eyes. She does have a censor! And a heart!

I never have anything nice to say about the Countless Countess. (That was a typo!)

-The Hills
Oh. My. My. My. Heidi. Heidi. Heidi. I can't say anything nice about that transformation either, Heidi's mom. So, don't worry, you aren't the only one.

And, I could never have anything nice to say about Spencer. He's into crystals now though. Weird-O. (That's not mean. That's the truth.)

Audrina - Ryan Cabrera??? Really?????

Krsitin -

Lo - You are way too good to be on that show anymore.

Stephanie - Good for you for not drinking in Miami!

-The City
I discovered the entire last season of this on mtv.com and am currently obsessed!! I mean now that LC is gone from The Hills, I seriously doubt that Lo will be able to hold my attention. I really have never had nice thoughts about Kristin, but if I can have Whitney, I say that's just as good as The Hills with LC.

NICEST THING I COULD EVER SAY:

I WANT TO BE WHITNEY. I want to look like her. I want to dress like her. I want to wear a size -6 like her. Oh. Wow.