Morning Ramblings

A lot has been happening lately, and not all of it good.

Yesterday, I was humiliated and offended like I never have been before. I was made to think that it was my fault. That I was completely powerless. That I was just an object.

It is just too bad that I don't believe any of those things. Nice try, though. But, in the end, all that you really succeeded in doing, was pissing me off. Royally. And, there will be repercussions. And, you will soon feel just as humiliated as me.

Just know this:

I am proud to be a woman. And, I am smarter than you. Much smarter than you. You are worthless. And, that's about all of the time I have for you and all of the recognition that you will get from me from now on.

I'm too busy; my life is happening.

Everything is really great and busy in my life right now. I just had a little speed bump yesterday. But, not to worry. That bump was unfortunate, but if I am being totally honest with myself, was kind of expected. Women have a sixth sense. And, yesterday, my sixth sense was affirmed.

Great things are happening for Will and I.

For instance, I made amazing, knock-your-socks-off, perfectly browned, peppered and salted gravy last night. That is always exciting. Because, I love watching that Hubs of mine eat my food.

We are planning our trip up to Lewisburg, Dub-Ya V, where we will meet the Director of the Greenbrier Historical Society, who will be our personal tour guide of the town. Fingers crossed that some day soon, I will be able to tell you the story of how I even know the Director of the Greenbrier Historical Society. Fingers crossed, I say!!

I have another (PAYING) job ready for me to begin at HCF. I get to (try and) nominate my first property to the National Register. Yay for experience!

Will and I attempted to be a single car family this week. That lasted all of about 2 days. Wonderful. So much for being green and having some extra cash. Oh well.

I think that today, I am going to blog my morning with G. I think it will be fun. I know that his Momma will appreciate it.

I love you, all. And, this is for you:

Anarchy for one, please?

So, I have realized something about myself this week. It kind of hit me like a cold shower in the face, when I realized that the anger that I was feeling right then towards one of my bosses (you see, I'm juggling 5 jobs right now!) was enough to induce me to commit some serious physical harm to him or anyone, really, for that matter.

I have always known that I don't like to be wrong.

But, then again, who does?

And, I fully accept responsibility for believing that my way is the right way all the way and every time. Who can blame a girl for knowing what she wants, how to get it and what to do with it?

What I never realized though before now was how much of an issue I have with authority and how (nearly) impossible I find it to chew let alone swallow my (sometimes deserved, sometimes not) slice of humble pie from the before-mentioned authority.

Granted, my boss was totally in the wrong due to his lack of html command knowledge.

Yes, we are talking about a specific situation here.

See what I mean? I HAVE to have the last word. Period.

And, so I write an email in response to his slightly degrading, slightly ignorant voicemails with one of my famous snarky comments thrown in here and there. Then, I stab the send button with my cursor and a grunt of validation and victory.

Five minutes later though, I am too afraid to open my inbox. Afraid of the response.

Could he fire me for that stab at his intelligence, competence, etc.? 


Would he?


Oh, Dear God, has he opened it yet? 


Is there an unsend button?


All that excitement and worry for nothing.


His two word reply usually leaves me a combination of baffled, relieved and angry(?).


Lately, I have found myself prefacing statements, complaints, comments, arguments with "Now, I don't have a problem with authority, at all, but it really irritates me when (fill in blank), and then tells me to (fill in blank) when I've already (fill in blank). It was my idea anyways! I'm the brainchild behind this whole thing. But, no appreciation or acknowledgement. UUUGHHHH!"

But, really, I don't have a problem with authority.

I would just rather be the one with it.

It is a position that I could totally get used to.

Period.

A Love Affair Has Begun

The Panther has a new obsession, object of her affection, lover, etc.:

I call it space heater love. (notice how she has adoringly positioned herself for heater worship)

After Will opened December's electric bill, which was quite the gasper to say the least and made me burst into a fit of tears at work--because we're poor--we borrowed his mother's space heater.

And the Panther was complete, body and soul.

I guess that I can't really blame her. I mean the thermostat is set on 59 degrees. I have actually kind of fallen in love with the space heater just a little bit myself.

This was very apparent when last night, I kept nudging the Panther over because she was blocking the heat, leaving a cold spot on my left arm.

What is going to happen to us in West Virginia?

I just don't know, but hopefully, the space heater will be there to comfort us both.

"I'm waiting on you, Hubs."

I have realized that I sure do an awful lot of waiting on you, Hubs.

I waited 10 very sluggish months for you to finally realize that I was the girl that you should be dating right then.
And, by right then, I meant the then that was July 1, 2006, after 10 months of you somehow successfully eluding me and my not so subtle hints that I was the one.  Hint, HINT.

Smooth move, Hubs. Always, you and your smooth moves.

Your speeches (given through fbook messages) full of lofty metaphors of "bank accounts" and "depositing" our time together, when the other isn't ready to "withdraw," did not discourage me. As I promptly informed you that YOU were NOT a banker. So, lose the lingo, please? Thanks. Just tell it to me straight.

Remember, Hubs, that time I grabbed you round your neck and pecked you on your very smooth cheek? It was on the corner of Calhoun and St. Phillips. I made you walk me almost to the dorm after a pretend visit to the library. You do know that I only went there and pretended to study because of you, right? It was one of my only desperate excuses to be so near to you for such long periods of time.

Well, I think that night and that street corner episode was one of the few times that I didn't wait on you. I laid a smack-a-roo on you and then ran across the street. I didn't even look back.

What would have happened if I had looked back? Or, lingered over your cheek?

I wonder...

Then, I waited (almost) 3 (whole) (long) years for you to ask the BIG ONE. But, I was ok waiting on that one. Well, I still told you on a regular basis that I was SO not interested in dating you for very much longer. Romantic and ever so sweet, right?

I wait on you to make decisions. You know, about what you want for lunch. Or breakfast. Or dinner. Or anything food related for that matter. Sometimes, you drive me nuts, and I just want to throw a fat PB&J on you. But, I know that will probably be the answer to your prayers, so I refrain. I have vowed to not wait on your mealtime decisions anymore!

I wait on you to get home from that dreaded place that you call work. It steals you away from me too much. And, I especially hate waiting for you to leave it. To make your escape and come home, just so I can wait on you to decide what late night snack you are craving.

But, here's the thing, Hubs. And, it is a very important thing.



I would wait forever for you.

A little rant and rave...

I hate money.

But what I hate even more than that is admitting that

I hate that Will and I have so very little of it.

I hate the way it can change the outlook of your entire day,

when you check your bank account,

and you see the amount,

and you gasp,

and rack your brain trying to figure out where it all went.

I hate that it can make you panic,

gripping at your chest,

worried that you might not be able to pay that bill,

because you must pay that bill to survive

in any kind of comfort.

I hate that it can be such a heavy burden

to not have enough,

to think that you don't have enough,

will never have enough,

when there are so many more important things in life.

I hate when I allow money to effect me.

I hate that it matters so much,

and not so much to me,

but to the rest of the world.

I hate that I am the financial drain of the Jackson household.

I hate that Will has to work his butt off each week,

pulling way too long shifts

and taking weekend call,

when we should be home together,

being young and in love.

I hate that I contribute so little.

The phrase,

"But what you are doing now is the best thing for your future 

and being able to get a job then,"

rings so hollow in my ears.

Who knows if I even have a future?

This thing called life could all be over tomorrow

for all I know.

Do I really want to stand in front of the Pearly Gates,

so eager to get inside,

but not before I had to consider how much

better

freer

happier

more fun 

vibrant

more creative

lighter

more real

my life would have been had I not been so preoccupied by money

that man-made thing

that never really made anyone happy,

or really solved anyone's problems,

or really mattered that much to a person drawing their last breath.

I hate that I even have to consider all of these things.

I hate that I have to repeat this process every time I check our bank account,

and it is lower than I think it should be.

I hate that I don't trust God enough

to just let it go.

  

And,

I hate that I don't have the guts to admit it to Him

on my knees

everyday.

Christmas Creativity

So, for Mare and Lare's Christmas present, I had the idea to make a silhouette of little man, Griffin. For some reason, I did not take a picture of the final product before we gave it to them, so here is a quick picture that I took of it hanging on their wall while G napped yesterday. (Please forgive my poor photography skills and the huge glare in the middle of G's head.)

It was surprisingly easy to do, except for the whole tracing his profile thing. I tried several times during his naps to trace his little-big head, but every time the pencil touched his nose, he squirmed and rubbed it, moved his head and I lost my place.

I finally just took a picture of him during a nap, used my debauched sketches to get the actual size of his head, and had Will trace his profile (because he is just good at things like that).

Will traced his profile. He cut it out. He glued it down. He stenciled G's name and age.

I like to call myself the Creative Director. I mean I have to claim some role in the creation of that gift, right?

It was my idea after all. I picked out the materials, paper, mat, frame, pen and stencil. I approved construction. I looked over Will's shoulder the entire time.

I know that he just loved that part of it.

Next, Will and I have a special treat for one of G's little friends. I can't wait to get started on that one.

-----------------------------------------------

And, after that (and sooner than later) I am going to figure out how to make a fabric rose headband like all of those creative Etsy ladies out in Provo, Utah.

We shall see. Stay tuned.

Winter Wonderland

So, as much as I hate snow and really anything cold/winter/freezing temperature-related, I am just a little anxious (dare I say excited?) about the possibility of nighttime snowfall this Thursday eve.

I love the look of snow with its calming blanket of bright white over the dull dreariness of winter terrain.

I think that our cottage would look sweet with snow-capped eaves and a heavy dusting on the front lawn of dead leaves.

And for education's sake, it would at least offer me an opportunity to practice driving under those winter-weather conditions that will be Lewisburg, WV in the dead of winter. Oh goodie!

Either way, a hot, hot cup of hot chocolate and Will and the couch and snow falling down all around us sounds really fantastic to me.

Not to mention the prospect of a snow day! Especially since I will be working all weekend, and Will is on call.

This may be the only time that I ever say (type) this, ever.

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow; let it snow; let it snow. (Sung in a booming tenor like the last lines of that song)

Feed My Fish

Seriously. Just click. That orange stuff is their food. Now, move your mouse around. And, they will follow. Cool, huh?

Well, I thought they were cute.

So, I hate cold weather just as much as you do (probably), and I can't help but think that this is Mother Nature's way of saying, "na-na-na-na-boo-boo!!!!" 
I have always said that women are just the worst...

I hoped to enjoy the nice mild winter that SC is known for during my last winter here for a few years. But, no. That is definitely not what I'm getting, and they tell me that snow is on the way?! You have got to be kidding me.

Could this week get any worse?

Record lows.

The death of the Patters and the REEKING of their rotting flesh in the attic. Two down, smells like one more inhabitant is still present though.

Two solid days of splitting sinus headaches.

And, I just went to (SHOOT M E!) Wal-Mart (because I had to). Where I got hit on. Because I am a nice person and pointed out the hummus to the creepy guy (he didn't look creepy, but definitely was creepy), walking around commenting on how he couldn't find the hummus.

Always remember:

Never be nice to people in Wal-Mart.

Ever.

The hospital has kidnapped Will again. Hip replacement.. mip mishplacement.



Our Christmas tree is still up. Still green. And, still smells wonderful. I am so proud.


I've eaten enough peanut butter and nutella in the past week to choke a horse.


I'm ready for summer. Is it June yet?


This headache will be gone in..


..10..




..9...




.8..












7....






Oh, I give up.

Happy New Year!

Will and I rang in the new year on our couch in our pjs. It was wonderful.

Our night began at Bonefish Grille with a (delicious!) cosmo for me and a bourbon and ginger for Will. Dinner was fun and flirty and romantic. I never get tired of that man. I just can't get enough of him.

Will and I discussed 2010, our hopes and dreams and goals for that pivotal year. So many (BIG) things are going to happen for us in this next year. We made a few resolutions; my favorite of which was to be in love, love, love, love.

And, we are in love (with each other and my hot boots).

I finally worked up the courage (with a little liquid encouragement) to pop the cork of our favorite sparkling wine. I was terrified, but numb at that point, so didn't much care what might happen.

I screamed.

(And, Will fell asleep on the couch. At 11:00. How old are we???)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!