Friday, April 30, 2010


Yes, I am one of those incredibly annoying people who has vivid, in techni-color dreams, and am one of those people who likes to recount those aforementioned dreams all the while stifling my uncontrollable giggles.

Because, I have dreams comparable to hallucinations induced by very illegal, very strong and very bad for you drugs, like LSD (which I totally just texted Hubs, asking which drug is the most extreme hallucinogen, and his response was, "lsd is the benchmark for an extreme hallucinogen. also mescalin, which is in psychedelic mushrooms." And no, Hubs does not do drugs--except of course for his brief stint with codeine, which thank God that is over--but he is a man. And men like to "research" things because they are kind of obsessive and have to know every minute detail of anything they like or would like to do. Like right now, Hubs does a lot of "research" on fixed gear bikes since he just built one; and before that it was Italian menswear because that man can dress; and then before that it was boats because he was obsessed with fishing for a while; and then before that it was Tahoes because he's always wanted one; and sometime back before he met me, it was drugs, because he thought they were cool? Not sure really. Hmm.)

The prime dream time for me would be the 20 or so minutes between Hubs' alarm and his eventual return to the bedroom, where I am still snoozing and dreaming. (On a sidenote, which I think I have divulged on here somewhere already, every time Hubs walks into the bedroom post-shower, he asks, "Are you ready, babe?" Granted, I am still asleep. In the bed. With the sheets pulled up to my nose. All the lights are still out. And, I AM ASLEEP. So every time he asks this, in my head, I scream back at him: "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M READY?!" I'm not a morning person. Repeat: I am not a morning person.)

I have always had very vivid dreams and most times, I remember these dreams.

When I was younger, I had recurring dreams (always the scary ones).

For example, I had this one dream for a few years, where I was watching Oprah and she was doing a show on "baby dumps." Morbid, right? It was a nightmare that would wake me up every night nearly in tears. It wasn't a long dream. It always began with her (Oprah) introducing the segment and then went to videos of the dumps, piled high with dead babies. I don't remember what the story was behind the dumps and that is all that the dream consisted of, but it scared me every time.

Another of my recurring, childhood dreams was one in which my mom left my brother and I in our van while she ran into a store. A gang of Mexicans (I know that this is totally un-PC, which doesn't really bother me, but I'm just relating the details here, so no angry comments!) broke into the van and carried both of us off. I always woke up after that part.

Weird, right?

I don't really have scary dreams anymore, and if I do, I don't remember them. But, I do have these horrible dreams as I'm falling asleep that I hate with a passion.

I have dreams where I am eating something and begin to choke and can't get whatever is stuck in my throat out. I also have dreams where I am swimming or near water and all of a sudden I am under the water, trying to get to the surface, but never make it. I call them the choking and drowning nightmares, and they are a nightly occurrence. I think that it has to do with my biggest fear of dying due to asphyxiation. I think that they must be like the falling dreams that all you normal people out there have, but of course, those easy-peasy dreams are not for me. I wake up each night gasping for breath because I had most likely been holding it, thinking that if I breathed, a deluge of water or a chunk of steak would flood my lungs. Fun times.

But, the best dreams are those early morning dreams that I love to relate to Hubs as I drunkenly (on sleep) drive him to work, unless I am super annoyed at having to be awake that early, which is a likely occurrence.

I will now relate to you 3 of my most recent and more interesting dreams:

1. (the most recent) I have dreams where I am pregnant or have just given birth A LOT. And, I don't know why. Because, I definitely do not want kids right now, so that might be the reason why I  dream I am pregnant and so vividly that I wake up grasping my stomach searching for a lovely lady bump. Thank God I haven't found one yet. Anyways, in this most recent dream, I had just given birth and took my very large newborn (think, toddler-sized, who looked a lot like Monster oddly enough) to a restaurant for some grub (I guess?). We (the babe and I) weren't eating, just sitting in a booth as my large, Monster-like baby ran up and down the cushioned seat, when one of Hubs' real-life coworkers came up to me shaking her head (this coworker is a very sweet woman and would never say anything like this to me, but this is how it went in Dreamland). She said, "Oh darling, this is not going to work." I looked at her timidly, while wrangling in my very large baby and asked, "What do you mean?" "This," she said as she waved her hand from the top of my head to the floor. "You know that you have got to look better than this if you want to keep that husband of yours," she said. And, I was looking rough. Let's just say that the baby wasn't the only large person at the table, and I had frizzy hair (yikes)."But, I just gave birth," I said. "It doesn't matter," she said. "You really think that's going to make a difference to him?" IT DARN WELL BETTER, I thought, as I woke up in a nasty mood. But, remembering the dream only made me laugh. Hubs didn't find it that funny. Oh well.

2. The other week I had a very colorful dream, where I was at summer camp (yes, as a 22 year old, married woman) with Hubs (who never looks like Hubs in my dreams). We were sitting by an indoor pool waiting for swimming lessons, (oh, it gets better), when all of a sudden a flood of girls and guys in Vegas showgirl attire burst through the doors and began the most colorful and extravagant synchronized swimming routine that I have ever seen in my life. The girls were squeezed into sequined bodysuits and lavish hair and makeup. Hubs and I sat there awestruck as this elaborate show went on and on. It was like an Italian opera without the singing. There was a love triangle, as the red-sequined girl fought with the blue-sequined girl over the white-sequined guy. It was incredible. And all of the people in the show were made up of all of the popular public school kids (I was a private schooler) from my hometown, which made it that much better. Now that I type it out, it doesn't seem that cool, but honestly, who dreams about synchronized swimming????

3. The final and my favorite dream that still gives me a good laugh happened a few weeks ago. I was on a boardwalk somewhere that I have never been before (although it kind of reminded me of the atrium part of cruise ships), waiting for Hubs. Except that dream Hubs was not the tall, dark and handsome real-life Hubs. Instead, he was short, kind of squatty with long blond hair (and some other facial hair that I will get to) with major marijuana breath. As soon as this dream Hubs walked up to me, I started to hound him for his long hair. I said that it was embarrassing; it looked sloppy; would he please have it cut. This dream Hubs got very defensive, asked why I wanted to change him and mold him into something that he clearly wasn't; if I couldn't accept him for who he was, then maybe we shouldn't be together (which is nothing at all like my sweet, real-life Hubs). So, I gave in and said, "Well, fine, if you feel that way, I don't want you to cut your hair. But, the french-braided nose hair and mustache have got to go!" And then, I woke up giggling.

Do you have strange, psychedelic dreams? And by psychedelic, I mean that sometimes, my dreams look like this:


  1. I too have crazy vivid dreams. But mine are almost always terrifying and violent. Not cool brain, not cool.

  2. All last night I had THE worst dreams ever... I was so depressed this morning because they were SO vivid and no matter how many times i woke up and went to the bathroom - the minute I lay my head back down on the pillow I had more stupid vivid dreams. Boo on that business!!!

  3. I have crazy vivid dreams too. Although I haven't had one in ages because I don't think I am ever permitted to make it to that stage of sleep thanks to The Monster.

    I did have a recurring dream when I was little and it went like this: playing in the yard at Gank and Bops and this gigantic Wasp (i'm horribly allergic) used to chase me around. He didn't look like a wasp though, he always looked like the Purple Pie Man from Strawberry Shortcake except yellow and black and he had a long trail of wasps following him and all trying to sting me. It was terrible!! I'd wake up in tears and gasping for breath like I'd been stung every time....

  4. ooo bad dreams are the WORST. i hope that from here on out you all only have really funny, psychedelic dreams like me. they are seriously hilarious.