Thursday, March 4, 2010

Open the Book of Life to somewhere near the front.

Read: Hubs and I are now officially a one car family. We sold the dookie brown Toyota Camry that saw me through 3 years of high school, all 4 years of college and 1 marriage yesterday. And when all was completed with the appropriate lines signed and dated and the money clasped firmly in my hand, I was sad, like really, really sad. Even though I constantly complained about that car, cussed it out when it squeaked and daily wished for it to die, I felt a little piece of me drive off with it and its proud and grateful new owner. End of chapter.

Turn the page. Next chapter. Read: For the first time in our marriage (which has only been for 7 months), our bank account looks great, and I feel really good. I feel secure. I don't feel like a leech. I'm not as worried about Lewisburg. We have a nice little cushion and that makes it easier to lie on the couch next to Will and not fret over what I could be doing right then, like working for money for once. End of chapter.

Skip ahead a few pages. Read: Jillian Michaels has been shredding my body, quite literally. I have done the workout video only 7 days, and Hubs can already tell a difference. I can, too! I've never done a workout and seen results after a mere week. It is stimulating and encouraging. I have no desire to quit. I actually look forward to working out. It only takes 20 minutes. And, the results are so worth it. End of scene.

Turn the page. Read: I took Hubs to work this morning, which meant that I had to get out of bed at 5:40am. I couldn't have walked a straight line if I had wanted. I sat on the couch in a sort of trance until Hubs gave the green light that it was time to go. I stumbled out to the car. Turned the ignition. Backed out of the driveway. Roboticly (yeah, that is not a word--yet). The cold steering wheel was firmly grasped in my stiff fingers. Hubs sat quietly in the passenger seat, sipping his coffee. "Babe, go a little faster," he said. I looked at the speedometer. I was doing 15 mph. Skip over to the next page.

Read: I am not a morning person. The End.


  1. I feel your one-car-family pain.

  2. I had no idea yall shared a car. Its going to get rough. I can already tell!

  3. Hate mornings. I'm impressed with the one car thing though! it seems like such a great idea for finances and the environment. Excited to hear how it goes.

  4. Interesting perspective you had on CJane's blog, about how everyone has "always" had choices, even minorities and oppressed people, but they might not have "liked the consequences" of their choices...

    I would recommend the excellent book "Half the Sky", about the absolutely mind numbing, spirit crushing oppression and violence that a large majority of the world's women suffer under. I suppose they have choices too, but I hardly see the choice between getting raped, reporting it, and getting stoned to death, or getting raped, not reporting it, and getting stoned to death when they find out you're pregnant as being equal to the choices you make in your day to day life. Your comment was incredibly callous, naive, and hurtful to the atrocities that force unfathomable "choices" to be made every day by "minorities/women/oppressed people".

    I hope you can understand that perhaps your point of view is biased by the privilege you enjoy simply by virtue of being born white in America, and having never experienced what it is like to have to choose between gathering firewood and getting gangraped by rebel soldiers, or going without food because you cannot cook. Or to choose between giving food to one child over the other. I could care less about whether or not you're a feminist, but I have to say your heartlessness and ignorance on matters of current affairs and world history is appalling. This world carries the weight of so much tragedy and heartbreak, and your indifference to it is just as bad as the acts that create it.

  5. I would also point out, having read all the comments on the thread, that many, many people took the the time to express their shock and disgust at your comment, which is saying something, since there are over 400 comments on there, that yours has consistently been the most commented upon. I love debating, love differences of opinion, but what you said was so sad and offensive to me and many others that it was just a stop in your tracks kind of "did she really just say that??" kind of moment.

  6. thank you, anonymous, for your input. i can tell that you love debating and especially having the last word. isn't that the best part of commenting anonymously? you are no worse for the wear after leaving comments on strangers' blogs, because they can't really respond to you, can they?

    my comments on cjane's post were geared towards the "white" (you said it, not me), middle-class, "privileged" (again, you said it), american women complaining about inequality. i did not take a worldview of cjane's post or the handful of comments that i read following it. those comments were about american women and the inequality of the workplace, sexual harassment and disrespect by men.

    i am not heartless or ignorant or biased. i cannot claim to understand the hardships of women around the world, because you are correct in assuming that i have never experienced anything even close to what they endure each day. yes, i have read about them in books, learned about them in school and hear about them in the news. believe me, i do realize how unjust the world is. i know that life isn't fair. and, i know that in countries without democracies, women suffer the most.

    and, i will fight for them when and where i can.

    but, my comments were for those american women out there with their extreme views of what they think the world owes them because of their gender. because, women in the american workforce who aren't paid equal to their male counterparts have a choice! they do. they can do something about it or they can quit. there are two options. i am sure that there are more.

    what i can't stand is complacency. don't complain. do something! that is what my comment was trying to convey. i'm sorry that you so blindly missed my point. but, perhaps you were just looking for a fight. it sure does seem that way.

    this next statement may surprise you. because, i hope that my comment illicited the same response from these selfish women it was meant for as it did from you. i hope that it was jarring and made them question their life and how easy they have it compared to others. if i made one woman rethink her "hardships" and focus on someone other than herself, then my comment succeeded.

    feminism is a political term created by americans for americans. that is why my comment was geared towards american women.

    i am sorry that i did not preface my comment with where it was coming from and for whom it was directed. i assumed that we were all discussing the same thing.

    thank you for stalking me to my blog and leaving your comments, making me look like a heartless bitch in front of all of my friends and family, who enjoy reading updates on my life here.

    its a shame that you weren't brave enough to post with your name and a link to your page. maybe next time, when you feel in the mood for another debate, you will have the guts and believe in yourself enough to take pride in what you have to say and will leave your comments with a name and face.

    until that time, please direct your comments elsewhere. i have no time for cowards.

  7. Wow. Sounds like hard times. Good thing a lot of women fought for the opportunity for you to attend school, own your own car, get a job and generally make choices for yourself.

    I hope that when you *get* a job, that you get paid as much as the guy doing the same thing next to you at the hotel.


  8. thanks for your maturity on this issue, erinann.

  9. I have only had to drive my hubby to the hospital a few times... but I am always a zombie while doing it. I have no idea how these doctor people (and med students) wake up so freaking early and then work for 36 hours! Without falling asleep in the middle of a physical exam. Blech.

  10. Mrs. Doctor Jackson-

    I don't have a blog, or else I would have posted the link. I would say that the assumption of "Anonymous" equaling too afraid to post a blog is erroneous. Lots of us love to read blogs, but we don't have them, I originally found the CJane post while reading Feminist Mormon Housewives.

    I can respect that perhaps you weren't clear in your wording, and perhaps I didn't understand, as a result, that you were specifically talking about white, middle class American women. It certainly didn't seem like that to me, nor to the many people who responded to your comment. You hadn't commented in response to any of them, so I was curious, and came to your blog because understandably the comments were long on the original post and I assumed you hadn't seen the replies to your original comment, that's al.

    I would also say, that I'm confused as to your congratulations on ErinAnn's comment- she was pretty pointed in calling out your privilege as well, and I am unaware if you have a previous relationship with her, but if you don't, she also "stalked" your blog to make a comment. Are you referring to the fact that she left her blog? Again, I apologize that I don't have one. It really wasn't about having the last word, it was about how what you said was so oversimplified and shocking to me, and again I hadn't seen a reply to any of the replies to your original comment. Sorry I let my curiosity and confusion get the best of me.

  11. Oh, and my name is Brooke, I didn't think to include it before, apologies.

  12. And you *are* able to respond to me, because you left a long, detailed message that was helpful in my understanding your perspective, so I'm also confused as to how my being an anonymous poster w/ out a blog prevents you from responding...